Shining a Light on Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex (by aliaheise)

My name is Nicole.  I am your average wife and mother.  What is really average these days anyway? We are all unique with our own story, right? True that is!  What’s not unique is our undying love for our families and our deep interest in doing what is best for our children. I think most moms will give an, amen, to that!  I am not a writer by any stretch of the imagination.  In fact if you had asked me a month ago if I’d ever start a blog I would have said, “Probably not.”  Not that I don’t have interests of my own but I didn’t feel passionate enough about anyone subject to share it with the world, and like I said, I am average. My life isn’t exciting enough that people want to hear every detail about my day, so why blog?

Well as we all have come to learn at one point or another, life loves to throw you curve balls. 

Anyway… Here is where my curve ball came in to play and why I feel the need to share my story with other mothers and future mothers.

In March of 2010 I gave birth to a 8lbs 8oz perfect, God created, bundle of boy. He has been the biggest joy my husband and I have ever known.  When I left the hospital with my newborn I left with the same thoughts most first time mothers have probably all had.  “I have a lot to learn and I need to learn it fast!”  Try as you may, I truly believe no amount of baby books, child classes, googling, or that box of extra diapers you keep in the car could ever make you feel prepared enough when you exit those double doors.

My struggle with breastfeeding began day two of being home when I realized that something was not right.  I started noticing that about a minute before my milk would release I would feel a rush of anxiety over my whole body, almost like when you get a chill, and then I would stay extremely sad for about 5-10 minutes afterward.  During the depression I felt as if my world was falling apart. Like there was no light at the end of my tunnel.  I’m still not sure what that tunnel was. Ha Ha! But that was my exaggerated mindset during breastfeeding.  The thing was there was nothing wrong in my life at that point.  No major stress of any kind.  I knew something just wasn’t right.  I had no reason to feel the way I did.  During the feeding times I had to just keep reminding myself that I would be fine again in a few minutes and take a deep breath.

For a while I was debating even bringing up the subject to my midwife in fear she would say that I had postpartum depression.  I knew that wasn’t what I had.  I knew what I had was not as serious as postpartum but wasn’t as simple as “the baby blues” either.  I did end up telling her what was going on and asking if there was any way to cope with it since I would rather continue breastfeeding if possible.  She basically told me that I was having high spikes of prolactin before my milk would letdown and that body was being sensitive to it.  She offered no additional knowledge, advice, or encouragement.  I then decided to try and do more research over the internet and found nothing.  I felt so alone.  I ended up calling my aunt who is an RN and asking her if I would be hurting my baby’s development by quitting breastfeeding.  After a reassuring talk with her and unsure what else I could do, I quit breastfeeding at month 2. I didn’t really want to quit but the depression was a horrible way to live and I didn’t want my baby to feel all the anxiety I was having.  That was a tough choice to make.

Fast forward to New Years Eve 2011…

I’m now 5 months pregnant with kiddo # 2 and my husband and I were sitting at a local restaurant getting some dessert.  I stopped in the middle of my dessert and looked at him and said, “I’m getting an anxiety attack.”  For me an anxiety attack is when I get that wave or wash of anxiety over my body and I just have to stop and take a breath. I know there are varying degrees of attacks and they can be different for everyone. I’ve always had a very very mild amount of anxiety from time to time but usually in continuously stressful situations, like a long bad day at work.  This anxiety attack was just like the ones I would get when I was trying to breastfeed.  Shortly after that attack, sure enough I got that feeling in my breasts like my body was trying to release milk.  I thought, “Oh, no! Not this again!”  Then I reached for my iPhone and tried searching for answers… again.  I finally struck gold!  Thanks to Wikipedia.com they even provided and name for what I have… Dysphoric – Milk Ejection Reflex (aka D-MER) and I was able to do further research.  (YEAH!!!!)  I then came across www.d-mer.org.  They provided me with some helpful insight into this pretty newly recognized issue as well as natural remedies and medications.  I was excited to see rhodiola at the top of the list of D-MER aids.  I’m a huge fan of rhodiola and have been for over 5 years. If you’re not familiar with I recommend looking in to this wonderful herb even for everyday use while not breastfeeding!  Dr .Oz has even featured it on his show and brought to attention to the mainstream public. 

So, from here on out I have every intention of breastfeeding till at least 6months this time and blog the whole way through it and see if I can’t help shed more light on such an ignored topic.  If you are familiar with D-MER I would love to read about your experiences and hear any input you may have to offer.  If you know someone who has described similar symptoms with you please pass this information along.  It’s horrible to feel alone and there really isn’t a whole lot of information on this topic yet.  Please help spread some light!